Dr. Fogg & Sir Daniel presents..

Britain’s Got Talent.

In Foggy's articles on August 15, 2010 at 3:19 pm

 

Britain’s Got Talent 

I would like you to meet a few of the characters the like of which put the word Great into Great Britain.

Worlds Stretchiest Skin

 

 Gary Turner from Lincolnshire became the world’s official “stretchiest skin” in 1999 after pulling his stomach to a length of 15.8cm.

 

Dwarf Throwing

 The most outlandish of past-times is the uncommonly skilled and unprejudiced pub sport of Dwarf Throwing. Unfortunately for the sport, many of the ‘politically correct’ people in making claims that the name ‘Dwarf’ is degrading for its sportsmen and that the term ” should instead be replaced by the more suitable title of ‘propelling persons of restricted growth’.  The world record for Dwarf throwing was held by English truck driver Jimmy Leonard who threw Lenny the giant (4’4 and 98lbs) 11 feet and 5 inches in 1986. I have since heard that Laura Bush apparently threw George Bush over 12 feet.

 Most cockroaches eaten
Ken Edwards of Glossop, Derbyshire, England ate 36 cockroaches in one minute on the set of The Big Breakfast on March 5, 2001. Swallowing cockroaches is “like having an anaesthetic at the back of the throat,” because of the scent they emit to ward off predators, he says.

 

Husband cites catfish in divorce case.

 This amazing picture was captured by a private detective investigating a wife’s suspected infidelity.

Apparently the photographer witnessed this sordid scene on several occasions.

Scientists explained that sexual relationships with fish are not uncommon. Women release a pheromone that is irresistible to fish.

In court the woman broke down saying “I was diving in lake whist on holiday in Spain and suddenly this huge catfish accosted me. Our eyes met and the rest is history. The catfish was unavailable for comment.

 

Pain in the Arse

A Croatian woman (Of British descent) was left with a severely burned anus after a lightning strike which entered through her mouth left her body through her bottom. The lightning reportedly struck Natasha Timarovic’s building as she was cleaning her teeth – with her mouth to the tap, sending the current through her body.

As she was wearing rubber-soled shoes, the lightning bolt was unable to earth through her feet – so it took the next easiest route, and came out of her rectum.It then earthed itself via her moist shower curtain.’It was incredibly painful, I felt it pass through my torso and then I don’t remember much at all,’ Timarovic said.

A medic told local news station 24 Sata: ‘Instead of earthing through her feet, it appears the electricity shot out of her backside… if she had not been wearing the shoes she would probably have been killed.’The medic described the incident as ‘bizarre, but not impossible.’

 Loudest burp 

The record for the loudest burp is 107.1 db achieved by Paul Hunn from Enfield, north London (UK) on the set of The New Paul O’Grady Show, London, UK, on 24 September 2008where he stole the  crown after registering 118.1 decibels – comparable with the noise of an aircraft taking off. Mr Hunn said he trained by eating curries and kebabs and drinking fizzy drinks.  His burping skills have won him a spot in the Guinness World Records.  

World’s Largest Maze. 

North Yorkshire farmer Tom Pearcy of “York Maze” created the world’s largest maze, in tribute of the 40th anniversary of Star Trek:

The maze, which is just outside York, covers 32 acres – the equivalent of 15 football pitches. It was designed using satellite technology which meant the paths could be cut to an accuracy of half a metre. 

Farmer Tom Pearcy said it is the first time this technology has been used in maze design. Tom was last seen entering the maze 3 months ago, his wife said we used to hear him shouting for help but that has died down now. 

~

Aniseed contortion.

And finally we come to perhaps the greatest record of them all and one I personally witnessed as a 10 year old school boy at the private all boys school for the sons of gentlemen that I was sent to.

Firstly I need to explain aniseed balls, these are a form of confectionary apparently peculiar to Britain, as the picture shows they are round balls and about the size of small sugar lumps. Roughly half an inch (12.5mm) in diameter.

 In those days we had double desks and I was sat next to one David Powell. I felt him nudge me and so I looked at him, he flicked his eyes downward inviting me to look down and witness a sight I shall never forget. He was gripping the end of his penis between finger and thumb, below which was a massive swelling. I stuttered in amazement “What the hell is that”. He proudly announced that he had 26 aniseed balls trapped inside his foreskin. Now this is the kind of thinking that has made Britain what it is today. What did revolt me was not this noble act but the fact that he shared the aniseed balls around the class afterwards! David Powell went on to become a politician.

Dr Fogg.

Advertisements
  1. wow Foggy, I’m really surprised you didn’t include your own record in this article.. but then again, I guess it’s not exactly something you can tell the Guiness Book of World Records about.. Very enlightening and entertaining read and as soon as I find a dwarf, I’m going to attempt to see if I can’t break that record. It shouldn’t be that hard..

    ~ Daniel

  2. Foggy my dear friend!! ROFLMBO!!!!!! Love yopur humor sweetie! hahahahahahahaha
    >>——-> Sherry <——-<<

  3. Daniel, actualy my own record is not telling anyone about my record for 40 years, and besides most of the womans hockey team involved are probably dead by now. One wonders however how you got to know about it.

    Dr Fogg

  4. Dr Foggy , iIthought you understood the catfish affair was not to be made public .
    Did David Powell and his Aniseed balls make it into Guiness ?
    From the Florida Triangle.

  5. Dear Mrs. Limetoader re making the catfish affair public: Ooops
    Re Mr Powell and the unbeleivably stretched foreskin, the same thing had occured to me (the Guiness thing) I did in fact try myself but could only manage 4 and a urinary infection. If anyone out there wants to try? just video it and ill pull a few strings with my old pall Mcwerter (boss of the GBOR)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: