Dr. Fogg & Sir Daniel presents..

A Letter From England

In Foggy's articles on August 12, 2010 at 9:54 am

 

  Daniel and I are two unlikely partners in blogism, we live either side of the pond (4000 miles of it) and yet have struck up a most valued electronic ethereal friendship.

 Daniel is cool calm and collected, thinks before he speaks and always sees the good in people however badly they have behaved. I on the other hand assume everyone is out to rob me, governments are soley designed to take mind numbingly ridiculous decisions that make my life immeasurably worse and the more highly educated a person is the less common sense they appear to have.

I prefer my view of life and sympathise with Daniels. My reasons are that Daniel is forever doomed to be disappointed when people fail to live up to his expectations, whereas I am forever pleasantly surprised when people don’t  actually  live up to my expectations.

During my 62 years on this planet I have accumulated various insights into life which I hope to share with the world. For instance whenever I tell anyone my problems, the response is usually “Oh well it can’t get any worse”.  Well I have news for you, it can and does get worse, much worse and then even more worse.

  Have you ever noticed that mechanical and electronic devices work in unison to raise our blood pressure and frustrate their own purpose of making our lives easier?  For instance our washing machine ( a very expensive commercial machine for care homes, which diagnoses its own faults) decided that it had fault number F23. It decided it would no longer function. A call to the repair guy inspired laughter “Oooooo F23 that’s gonna cost yer”. As if that wasn’t enough the commercial tumble drier decided to come out in sympathy, the ridiculously expensive programmer failed to turn the machine off and it merrily cooked a huge load of clothes overnight.

Foggy's Socks

After my initial outrage and anger I wondered why I was so upset? My dear old mum had neither washing machine nor tumble drier and yet we all had clean clothes in abundance. I suggested to my wife that they could hand wash the clothes and hang them out to dry! This did not go down as well as I had expected.

I couldn’t stop to argue my point with her as I had to take the car in for repair (It must have communicated in some way with the washing machine and tumble drier) the electric cooling fan had decided to come out in sympathy with its laundry pals and ceased to work. On the way to the garage a loud rattling noise began, I thought the exhaust was falling off, but no, the spare wheel which is clamped under the car decided it deserved its freedom from the years of being  held captive  in that unsavoury environment. It fell off. It not only fell off it flipped over under the car and pushed the entire vehicle skywards before actually overtaking me at high speed and coming to rest in the front of an oncoming  milk lorry.

The milkman stared in wonder as I kicked the spare wheel multiple times shouting “you bastard you’ve been talking to that bloody washing machine havent you”?

I am home now and writing this piece, casting glances at my PC wondering if it too has been chatting with the laundry guys. Maybe I could cover it with lead sheeting to prevent electronic agitation from those left wing communist laundry terrorists?

I just know some other appliance is going to join this subversive element, because it can and does always get worse.

 

Dr Fogg.

 

 

 

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  1. I suspected you were the master mind behind all electronic alliances. I am agog to learn how wrong I have been all these years. Now I am sure Daniel is leader. Mmm. Wonder just how educated he is…

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